


The Mirror Image

by Thepresidentofrussia23



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anorexia, Character Death, Gen, Men Crying, Pain, Self-Harm, Suffering, Suicide, noncon, r6s
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 05:48:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18804982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thepresidentofrussia23/pseuds/Thepresidentofrussia23
Summary: Hello...Its me Andrei Basuda...Im that younger brother that is unloved...unwanted and alone in Rainbow





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hetsez](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hetsez/gifts), [Gia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gia/gifts), [kiki_92](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiki_92/gifts).



Hello, you're wondering why you're interviewing a worthless shithead like me, I wonder why you chose to interview me in the first place. Nobody in their right mind has paid attention to me in years...Nobody cares about me anyway. Not my older brother Maxim Basuda who ran off to the military, not my father who...hated me to say the least, to him, I was that lousy son who wasn't even worthy of the Basuda name...I didn't lash out against him, because if I did, he would put me in my place and remind me of my worthlessness and that was putting it politely. I loved that shiny blade, it was my constant companion through everything I had been through, even as dad ripped my virginity away from me despite me begging him to stop, I was too ashamed to tell anybody this, don't YOU dare put that on the record, I swear to God, my father was and still is a monster, he still haunts my nightmares and still eats away at my sanity. I loved how my blood stained that steel edge, I loved how my cuts stung furiously and I hated how they left behind scars, I didn't want Maxim catching me in my boxers and seeing the scars. I want my crimson tears to stain me...forever...oh wait...they already do stain my soul in its own sickening way....You want to know how I ate? Well I ate as normally as a Russian boy could, but after my rape...food became poison to me, I stopped eating and I dramatically lost weight and my Father said I was finally becoming my true weight and that was when I became anorexic...yeah that's right...I was anorexic for some time until I collapsed during basic training and that's when somebody made me eat their lunch...I can't remember their name or face or anything, he just made me eat and eat and that's how I got stronger and stronger to the point that Six offered me a position on Rainbow. I was at first hesitant, I didn't know how to tell my older brother Maxim that I was interested in men and I wasn't sure what I was, my dad suspected that about me for a long time and I wasn't sure if Maxim would accept me, I'm sure he has a girlfriend now and that he is gonna marry her and have kids with her and I will probably die alone and miserable and there will be nothing I can do about that. I will never be good enough for anybody because that's how worthless I am. I will lose this battle and I will never have anybody's affection. As I know...You know that...I will someday end myself....  
(end of self-interview)  
[The credit to this fanfic belongs to an Ao3 username kiki_92]


	2. Chapter two

You think it would be easy for people like me to get into Rainbow right? Wrong, it is the most difficult thing i have ever done since passing the trial exams. I had to stay strong, to hide away from the past that haunted me and the future that chased me. All I could do was remain persistent and firm against evil, and yet ironically, I tolerated and lived with my own father....maybe I should stop preaching and start practicing. In other words, do as I say, not as I do. Revenge was something I had been chasing for since my best friend died in my arms, when the blood seeped through his gaping wounds, his flesh turned white as a sheet and his pallor was not good, the blood stuck to him and to me and it was nearly impossible to wash it off as i could see his lifeless eyes gazing back to me, that was a sight I would never forget in my entire lifetime. The fact that I hadn't lost my mind yet was a testament to my mental strength, you may think I was being biased, but I digress. Death is something I have gotten used to since my mom died in a car crash, my dad became an alcoholic after her death...I know its that typical sob story that the pathetic press media try to make moving montages out of, but in reality for the artificial pity that they seem to be entitled to for themselves only. I bitterly laugh at that thought, as if I need fame at all, I do not want fame, I am not entitled to any fame, riches, respect, accolades, or honors, I must earn that all on my own and no amount of abuse that I was subjected to can change my mind at all. My strength is limited to all I have as a human being, I wish things could get better but they don't, they never do, the only reason things seem to get better is that things change and that is all there is to it, but that doesn't mean that things are getting better, in fact that is a mere illusion that people like to use to believe that things are getting better, but when a tragedy happens or when they burn out, that when they realize that they have been fooling themselves all this time. As I arrived at the base in Hereford, I wanted to either puke, pass out or piss my pants or a combination of the three...don't ask why I thought these were the appropriate reactions but I managed to keep myself calm and composed as I was lead through the whole base and I froze when I saw my big brother Maxim laughing with the spetsnaz soldiers and I knew then I was home...finally.


	3. Chapter 3

If there is anything i have learned through life, its that life in counter-terrorism is very complicated; you do what you think is right and hope for the best as shit hits the fan...literally in some cases. People do make mistakes and that is called human error, human error is what is causes so many fatalities around the world.   
Time is power,  
Money is power,  
God is power,  
And so is Fear.  
Fear is what controls individuals, societies and governments. Fear is what controlled me and kept me submissive to my father, Fear is what keeps all the citizens fearful of their tyrannical despots and and keeps them submissive and obedient to the people who lead them, even though the citizens themselves may not approve of it, that's how many people justified their atrocious acts during the Nazi, Soviet, Chinese, Cuban, Vietnamese, and so many other tyrannical regimes, fear is why good people roll over and lets Evil win, its why in the end, we are still weak and powerless despite all the tech in the universe. And as I look up while writing my stupid rambling thoughts in a diary, I catch myself staring at a man named Rook. Rook is French and has that accent that triggers emotions that I cannot control, these are emotions of lust and romance...but I know that love is merely a neurochemical reaction and I need to realize that it all depends on the fact that the reaction has to be triggered in Rook too or else he won't accept me for who I am, love is a chemical formula that goes like this: C8H11NO2+C10H12N2O+C43H66N12O12S2 (Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxycontin). That formula can be easily manufactured in a lab, but I will wait ever so patiently for the chemical to activate in Rook's neurochemistry, even if it means dying before he ever falls in love with me, that is something I have learned that can apply throughout life. That science and math can explain everything and anything that i can put my mind to if i can see the observable patterns and the averages and calculate that and see how the numbers explain how the universe works according to observable patterns and analyze that. But love..love doesn't work like that, and neither does emotion and that is what confuses me. And I know then...I must make my move or lose him to another potential mate that he may have in mind. Can I do it? I'm not even sure I can.


	4. Chapter 4

Do you think I have a chance to make Rook love me? His eyes are so incredibly blue and so handsome and I cannot help but stare at him. His eyes are what captivate me so much, I cannot help but think that maybe, just maybe I had a chance to win his heart even though the chances of him falling in love with me was impossible. I woke up eventually and decided to grabbed my stuff and I decided to study some of my older brother's traps while making my own bombs with the help of Thermite and Jager and both were very helpful men that were knowledgable in the topic of explosives and the chemistry of them as well. As I gaze at Rook, my heart speeds up a little and I cannot help but stare at him even more as he does his rounds of paperwork and training. You think a logical person like me would ignore the delicious sight of a man taking off his shirt and clothes right? Wrong. I just kept fucking staring at him as he shed his shirt and shorts and then his boxers and I just....stared as I imagined myself sucking off of him and enjoying the flavor of his liquid semen...I wanted him in my mouth and I knew then...I was gay. But my brother wouldnt approve of me or my filthy thoughts, so I mostly kept quiet and hid my feelings as I powerlessly tried to fight through them and ignore what they could do to me regardless. But my cutting urge was also getting worse as well, becuase everybody ignored me as if I wasn't there, nobody seemed to care whether I was alive or dead except for Maxim, Maxim always checked up on me and made me feel at home despite what the others were doing to make me feel miserble and my blade gave me strength and energy to keep going by draining my blood, i certainly didnt need that many blood cells, right? I loved how the pain made my nerve endings scream with mercy as I tortured myself. I felt an emptiness that only seemed to grow worse and worse and I felt so helpless and at its mercy...I didn't know what do to, I felt so lost and so alone. I was never sure of myself anymore. I didn't honestly know what to do anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

Today was the day I was going to make my move on Rook....if he even wanted a gross guy like me. I was so nervous, what should I do to make him feel loved? What grand guesters should I make? What kind of gifts would he like? Would he even like me at all? I was worried that he would hate me or worse, ignore me. But then again, I have been alone and unwanted and unloved for my whole entire life. That razor that winks at me? Its so freakishly tempting to dig it out of my nightstand drawer and start dragging bloody lines across my thighs and make myself suffer despite the logic that tells me that nothing ever gets better by cutting oneself and that is a concern because i don't know I can fight anymore. I grab the bouquet of flowers and light a few candles and then I lead him to the patio near the park where he likes to run during the day, except now, the park is empty and filled with so many beautiful stars and balloons that i managed to rig in a favor from Jager and Bandit and I strung up a bunch of fairy lights and the date was a success and I hoped to have many more dates with Rook in the future as he was such a sweet and kind man and always was there for others despite their pain and their suffering and that was an admirable quality that he had about him, especially his humility and his grace. And I certainly hoped that he felt the same about me as well.


	6. Chapter 6

We dated often and between mission, but the nightmares were haunting me and they were mentally destroying me on the inside. I didn't know how to express my painful self to others, not even to Rook, i wasn't able to open up to him because he also had his own worries and his own demons to fight as well. And I worried about him, but he was shutting me out just like everyone else was...Did anybody truly love me? Or were they only loving me with a hidden agenda in mind, it sickened me but the harsh reality was there. There was nothing I could do and I hoped that death would sweep me away, I wasn't needed or wanted and I was deluding myself into thinking I was. My death would set me free, i knew that from a long time ago, I needed to get away from the pain that stalked me and would destroy me until I was nothing but a rambling mess in the insane asylum.


	7. Chapter 7

Nightmares weren't the only thing that were plaguing me, it was doubt. Doubt that I was good enough to do anything worthy enough to be remembered at all. I doubted that I was saving any lives at all, I doubted my skills, my honor, my everything. I wanted to make my big brother Maxim proud of me, I wanted him to smile at me, but was I really doing that? Was I ever gonna be good enough? I wasn't sure of anything anymore, regret was something that clouded me everyday since I discovered that I was gay. I hated how I was gay and I wasn't normal enough to even date a lady, I would forever be a constant disappointment to that lady for the rest of my life even if I poured out my soul to her. I hoped that someday Rook would find someone better than me, I hope he finds true love without me. I just want everyone happy without me, I just want everyone safe, even if I die in the end. Rook entered the bedroom at that moment and my cheeks flushed a deep red and and I leaned in and kissed him ever so deeply, his lips clashed against mine and our tongues battled for several good minutes before someone opened the door on us and it was Maxim and man...he was so angry at me and he growled "Rook, OUT!" Rook scampered out and I felt so frightened of him, Maxim was still head and shoulders taller than me and he could easily still overwhelm me with his incredible strength. He looked beet red as he swore a few....angry Russian slurs at me before yelling "Why you kiss that man, WHY?" And at that moment, I felt so trapped and so helpless, like I had been caught in one of his traps and there was no way out except scream for help. And I said "Why is it your business to ruin every fucking thing I am in?" and Maxim replied "Because I care!" and I bitterly snorted "Yeah, you cared so much, that you ran off to the Russian army and left me with our father, how ever so deeply caring of you! Don't even bother talk about hypocrisy" And then at that moment Maxim yelled and said "How DARE YOU! I left so that I could make money and feed you and dad!" And I almost, just almost blurted out about the rape...about everything and that's when I just said "Fine...you're the perfect brother, that everyone loves, that everyone wants and talks about, i'm just someone who isn't needed or loved or wanted....maybe when i'm gone you'll be glad with the rest of Rainbow" And Maxim spat out "Fine, leave Rainbow in dishonor...nobody cares for you anyway" Even as I glance at these words on my diary, tears flood my eyes, did Maxim hate me that much? Maybe he did genuinely mean those words...In the meantime, I now go to the bar and drink and drink and drink so much vodka and I see Rook's revolver lying on his nightstand...I know I have to do this before im caught and sent home. I think of all the memories good and bad, I think of my big brother and I leave the passwords to my phone, laptop and my social media accounts and I leave my suicide notes, two of them by my nightstand, one for my brother Maxim and one for my truest lover of all time, Rook and I fire my pistol at my head and the last thing I see is my world exploding in pain as I fade away.


	8. Chapter 8

Maxim's POV   
That day we fought, I was already stressed out about so much and I was so angry at myself for the mistakes I had made and I couldn't believe that my baby brother was kissing a man, I was so angry at him and I was totally stunned as well. What I didn't know was that would be the last time that I would ever see my younger brother alive again. That night as I slept, I heard a gunshot and the whole base was suddenly awake and alert and somebody heard Rook screaming and wailing in the most horrific way possible. I bolted up and ran towards Andrei's room, where the screaming was originating from, and I realized with a sickening horror, the dead body in his arms was my brother...my only brother and I cried and screamed and yelled before I found his note tucked in his jacket pocket and I was absolutely disgusted by what he had endured at the hands if dad. I hated that bastard but nothing he did could ever compare to what he did to Andrei and I wanted my baby brother back. I was so so so sorry for what I had said to him, all I want is him back, to say that I was sorry for everything and for him to comeback because I needed him. I wanted my brother back so badly. I was on my knees and weeping and screaming and shouting Andrei's name over and over as Tachanka and the rest of the Spetsnaz held me tightly as the sobs shook my entire body. Tears streamed down my face as doc took Andrei's dead body away from me and I kept screaming loudly as the grief washed over me. I didn't want to believe that he was dead, but he was...he was...


	9. Chapter 9

I watched as the casket was lowered in the grave and tears flooded my eyes. I could see that there was an air of peace and rest around Andrei, but this did not help or heal the pain that was burning in my soul and heart. I was so angry, smoldering ashes of grief flickered to life as tears streamed down my face. I wanted to say that I was sorry, to hold him tightly, as the funeral procession marched down the road and his beret lay on his casket and I wanted to scream. I saluted him and I murmured a final prayer for him to find peace now that he would be entering his grave alone. I lay flowers on his grave and then I returned home to search for my father and make him pay for the crime he had done against my brother. I had my gun by my side and a few instruments of torture...but I thought it would be too gruesome so I grabbed a Taser and some devices and I left...afraid to confront a deviant predator that raised me and raped my brother and that was what led to his suicide in the end.


	10. Chapter 10

I stare at the reflection across from me, it is my own reflection, It is the reflection that reminds me of my past, of what once was...My eyes are green, just like Andrei's, my cheekbones are firm and strong, my eyes are rimmed with tears as I touch the glass. I am the living mirror image of my brother and he is the deceased mirror image of me. I then head to the apartment where my father stayed and I glared at him before saying "I wish I were glad that I am seeing you now. We need to speak because you have destroyed Andrei! You are a sick rapist! you killed him by stealing what was his to only give to his intimate lover and I am here to make you pay for what you have stolen from him!" I spat on him before punching him over and over and I grabbed my baseball bat and bashed him over and over...it was so fucking cathartic. Making him feel every ounce of Andrei's pain was my total satisfaction as he died and I didn't even care as he screamed and begged for mercy, I just...I watched his body crumple sideways and I burnt the damn apartment and corpse.


End file.
